Believer's Guide to Conflict Resolution, Part 1
In this episode of the Faith with Friends podcast, Lisa Lorenzo and Shaunda discuss the topic of conflict resolution from a Christian perspective. Shonda starts by defining conflict as arising from differences both large and small, and occurring when people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. They then reference James 4:1-3, which states that fights, quarrels, and conflicts come from people's desires and that they should submit to God and ask Him with right motives to receive what they want. The conversation concludes with a reminder that conflict resolution is a process that requires patience, understanding, humility, and communication.
The conversation between two people focuses on how to handle conflict in a biblical manner. One person admits that they often desire to be right rather than reconciled in their marriage due to their pride, and then the other person offers some practical tips on how to avoid or resolve conflicts. They start with listening actively, which is more than just lending an ear. Listening actively involves actively trying to figure out the problem and engaging in conversations rather than just checking out with one's phone. They also emphasize the importance of being humble and denying one's self in order to be open to reconciliation. Overall, the conversation reinforces the need to be open to others and willing to reconcile in order to effectively address conflicts.
The conversation is about how people tend to listen to react in a conflict, instead of actively listening to understand and look for opportunities to put others first. The speakers recognize that if people had a different approach to listening, it could have a profound effect on relationships, marriages, and work environments. They suggest searching the Scriptures as a way to gain guidance during conflicts, but they also acknowledge that people often search the Scriptures to prove their point instead of to deepen their relationship with God and be open to correction. The conversation highlights the importance of active listening and the power of the Holy Scriptures.
The conversation between two speakers revolves around the idea of using scripture to lead someone out of a difficult situation. The speaker talks about a time in their life when their stepfather had just passed away and they were feeling very broken, sad and depressed. They opened up a scripture in 2 Timothy 3 which calls for offering prayers for those in leadership positions. This made them cry and weep as they realized what God was calling them to do. The speaker then suggests that when we are in conflict with someone we love, we should seek the same prayer—asking God to help us understand their heart and the trauma they may be expressing. The speaker then introduces the idea of “hurt people, hurt people” and “healed people, heal people”. The conversation ends with the idea that if we can heal our inner relationships such as with our children, siblings, parents, and spouses, we will experience much greater success outside.
Timestamps
0:00:00
Heading: Conflict Resolution: Understanding Our Motives and Submitting to God
0:02:29
Conversation on Conflict Resolution: Practical Tips for Denying Self and Reconciling
0:04:31
Conversation on Active Listening and Conflict Resolution
0:06:21
Conversation on Conflict Resolution and Seeking God's Guidance
0:08:44
Conversation on Relationships and Speaking the Truth in Love
0:10:09
Conversation on Speaking the Truth in Love and Seeking Reconciliation and Forgiveness
0:16:22
Conversation on Healthy Boundaries and Forgiveness
0:20:05
Conversation on Forgiveness and Humility in Relationships
0:21:30
"The Power of Humility: Examining Jesus' Example of Washing Judas' Feet"
0:23:30
Conversation on Walking in Humility Before God
0:25:58
Discussion on Cultivating Humility and Practical Tips for Believers
0:27:42
Conversation on God's Unchanging Nature and Humility
0:28:48
"Conflict Resolution for Believers: A Conversation with Shonda"
Highlights
James 117 says, every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights who does not change, like shifting shadows. So again, we have this theme from Philippians where God is not changing, right? And we're not to be tossed to and fro and now he's saying heavenly lights. It's not a shifting shadow. We're looking at the light, the light of the world. It's not like, oh, now there's a little darkness over here. No, when you're in Jesus, you're in the light. And I love this illustration given to me once about the cross. And it says when you come to the cross and you look to the cross, you don't see a shadow because all you see is light. The light is behind you.
Yes, it's very convicting and some of the ways let's talk about some practical tips to cultivate humility. And one of them is recognizing, I think it's in James that all good things come from God. So in and of ourselves, there's no good in us. And I know that's hard for a lot of people to hear, I'm a good person. Well, if you're a good person, then praise God because he did that in you. Right? Because the Bible teaches us that our hearts are all wicked. And if you think you're not wicked, then get to the grocery store when you're really hungry or your kids are hungry and wait in line an hour and let someone cut in front of you and see if you want to pay their groceries.
It's amazing. And just before it, it says, make your joy complete by being like minded, having the same love, being one in spirit, one in mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourself, not looking for your own interest, but each of you to the interest of others and in your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ. And then what? You read.. So consider that he's telling us, I'm calling you in your relationship with others for you to be like this, like Jesus. He's not saying, Just be humble. No. He's saying, I want you to do the same thing Jesus did. I want you to be Jesus to other people in your relationship. Does that mean you lord over them? No, that means you're humble below you. Lower yourself to God, recognizing God is above us. We are below Christ.
Okay. So Philippians two, verse six through eleven says who, being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness and being found in appearance as a man. He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross. Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth. And every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.
It's not an act that causes a break in friendships. I told her, take it on your knees, sit before the Lord and give it to Him and overlook it. Because I think that that was out of their own hurt. It wasn't done maliciously. This is just something you can tell that it's something insecurities of their own. Give it to God and then we can choose to live. And this is one story that I will never understand how he did. But if you read John chapter 13, you will see the humility of Christ as he washes the disciples feet. And I think what I tend to delete from my video on this occasion is that Judas was one of the people that Jesus washed his feet.
